Bulimia Nervosa

Woah. Pretty weird to actually be able to say “I had an eating disorder”… Although have is probably a better word. I don’t think the disorder will ever leave me. It a part of who I am and who I was.
It started out Thanksgiving of 2011. I had just shoveled down my second plate of Thanksgiving yummy-ness when I began to feel really sick. I went upstairs to an empty bathroom, secluded from my family, and threw up my food. I didn’t just stop after a couple times of getting food up. I waited until I had nothing left in my stomach to hurl.
I sat there for a while, unsure of what I just did. All I had known at that time was how much better I felt.
And so that began my 2 year long battle with binging and purging. Repeatedly. Multiple times a day.
Weather I was at school, a friends house, public places, or school.
Multiple times I had even been out to eat with family or friends and excused myself to throw up.
I had became so accustomed to it, it was like clock work. Second nature.
About a year ago, I hit a point where I could no longer do that privately. I started college and people became suspicious.
Now that I have been clean from physical abuse from 10 months, I still battle with this disease daily. I won’t let it define me, but who I was.

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DREAMS

I dream constantly. Pretending, fantasizing, and admiring. Can I do this? Will I do that?

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